Fake Grenade on a Pleasant Day

Here we have a straight-news story about an incident that is ultimately a big to-do over nothing, but (someone has to say it) full of charm.

There’s a warm appreciation for the police officers. There are colorful, surprisingly candid quotations. There’s a pleasing blend of journalistic fact-telling and storyteller story-telling.

As I think about it now, even my straight-news reporting often had qualities  you expect to find more in a “column.” I should have thought of this at the time. Perhaps I could have been a local version of Art Buchwald or Bob Greene.

FAKE GRENADE

March 31, 1987—A grenade of unknown origin gave police officers, an ambulance crew, reporters and employees of a private company an hour of suspense Tuesday afternoon before a bomb squad arrived and declared the device a phony.

According to Detective Charles Epps of the NYPD Bomb Squad, it was an “inert” grenade that the owner of Terminal Auto, Truck and Collision found lying near his fence on Rockaway Parkway, just north of Avenue D. Although admitting it looked like the real thing—at least to untrained eyes—Det. Epps said it was just a novelty item, commonly available at military surplus stores.

The rusted pineapple grenade was found by Joachim Krug as he was picking up litter along his company’s fence. He said he and his employees rake along the perimeters of his property regularly, so that it was unlikely that the grenade had been there more than a few days.

It was lying between a large concrete block and a fence, its pin intact. It seemed an unlikely place for someone to plant—or even to dispose of—a live explosive, but police were taking no chances.

Here is a good spot for me to insert some enjoyable commentary. This paragraphy is just a placeholder so I can what an interleaving of original-story and later-day commentary looks like.

The area was cordoned off and the grenade left undisturbed for members of the bomb squad to remove. Police Officer Michael Curley pointed out that the grenade looked like “something left over from World War II” and, being that old, might be dangerous even with its the pin of its firing mechanism in place.

Krug said he had not been particularly disturbed at finding the supposed explosive, however. “I walked away,” he said. “I didn’t get frightened. I’m too old for that kind of nonsense.”

The bomb squad was summoned around 4:30 p.m. and arrived about 45 minutes later, responding from another job in Manhattan, according to Officer Curley.

Upon arriving, Det. Epps and fellow Bomb Squad Detective Kevin Barry strode confidently to the grenade’s nesting spot and bent down for a closer look. Moments later they were disassembling it. They returned, holding the lemon-sized case in one hand, the firing mechanism in the other.

There was some good-natured teasing, followed by a quick lesson on telling a fake grenade from a real one.

Also at the scene was a police emergency unit and a crew from the Canarsie Volunteer Ambulance Corps.

And here’s another good spot to add some commentary. For example, I could say how enjoyable that experience actually was. How there was just enough danger to be exciting, but but safety enough to make the wait enjoyable. Mention how good that happy ending must have felt. Everyboy feeling a little heroic, anticipating the pleasure of telling the story a couple dozen times that evening and over the following weeks. Mention how enjoyable it was to be part of a local community, where the scenery and pace were full of local smallness.