Planetary Destruction

The Kregal had decided to destroy the earthlings — there was no changing his mind. All that Bitha could hope to do was make the humans’ deaths as painless as possible. On such short notice he could not put together an instantaneous destruction, so, using his imagination, he came up with something almost as good: a hilarious destruction. After about three weeks of preparation, Bitha had everything ready and, with a tired sigh, pushed the fatal button.

The very first person who noticed the change was Eldon Olson, a car salesman in Kansas who, at the right moment tripped over a broom handle in his own driveway. Falling headlong Eldon tried to get his hands out of his pockets but did so too late. “Off!” he said, before he hit the ground, and then, “What the…?” Eldon had bounced! All around the world people were discovering the same phenomenon. People who for one reason or another had been jumping found themselves catapulted back up. People who were walking found themselves bounding. Within minutes most of the population of the daylight side of the world had discovered a strange new quality of the earth. Half an hour later the other side of the world knew about it. They were bounced from their beds. Everyone everywhere was bouncing. Even invalids found they could spring like colts — and with every spring they were repelled higher for another bound. The planet was pooching and billowing like a feather mattress.

Soon everyone was bouncing miles high at a time and loving it. No one could avoid it and no one could mind it. It was a child’s bed-bouncing dream come true. Probably most people saw where it had to end but even then couldn’t help being hilarious with joy. ~ Nov. 3, 1982